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Hello all and welcome to my blog (this is one of the nicest things you will ever here me say), in which i will whine and be cynical about different things until you'll either want to put a bullet through your head or drown yourself in your own piss.

I am now Jooseman, the Artist formerly known as Jonith, and I have stopped using the name Jonith regularly (however do still have many accoun named Jonith, so go by both) as it got confusing, So call me Jooseman or Joose or whatever. Call me TwatBucket if it pleases you.

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Rants up on this blog on Friday if I've done one, just too add a little bit of schedule here.

Anyway thats all from me, and also check out Rofling Officer Productions. He is a collaborater of mine.

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Diary Of Pordit Bronzebeard: The Final Chapter.

(Originlly on Dan's blog here)

August 14th:

Jonith and I finished in Northern Stranglethorn and by then I had grown restless. I couldn't stand waiting around training for the final fight with that traitor Magni, so Jonith and I agreed to go to Darnassus to get the Night Elves' help. We were both NOT looking forward to this, as I hate Night Elves (bloody tree huggers) and the Gilnean/Worgen refugees live in Darnassus.

We had a lovely drink in Booty Bay, God how I missed a good pint of stout. Had a good chat with a Warlock in there, talked things over with him about me regaining my crown and what he was up to in the Vale. Finally Jonith said the ship was here so I said bye to the Warlock and managed to urge Betsy into a running jump to get on the bloody ship.

It was an overnight voyage to Ratchet, so Jonith and I slept on a couple of hammocks next to a couple of idiot sailers. Fell asleep quickly though.

August 15th:

Got woken up early by the cry of "Land ho!". That's become such a bloody cliche, they can't resist booming that one out. Jonith and I were happy to get off that tub, and into the port of Ratchet.

Ratchet is alright, not really keen on Goblins, prefer Gnomes really. But the Steamwheedle lot are alright, they sold us stuff and repaired my equipment. Gloin (my pet bear from Dun Morogh) followed Jonith and I all the way across the continent, I couldn't bring myself to abandon him.

The trip across the Barrens was brilliant. I was hoping to run into a few Horde scouts so I could kill them in cold blood, and I wasn't disappointed. Got to a little camp where a few orcs were offering services. One had his face clawed to a bloody pulp, another has a sword-shaped hole in his midriff and the last has an arrow in the back of his head. The gutless little bitch tried running and screaming in Orcish, so I shot him. It was fun. Haven't killed a Horde in ages.

Rode across the Barrens. Even though it's been cut in half the trek is still as boring as hell. With the odd Orc wandering about it was tolerable, it was still crap though.

Reached the Ashenvale border and made camp near there. Had lot's of sand in my armour, so it was an uncomfortable night.

August 16th:

Woke up rather peacefully, if a little early. Nipped off for a piss while Jonith was still asleep, almost got some on my shoes when I saw the state of Ashenvale. About half of it has been cut down, and the other half is in THE PROCESS of being cut down. Now I'm all for industrialisation but come ON. I'm all for the Night Elves here.

Jonith woke up and we carried on. Jonith noticed the tree thing too, but by that time I had gotten used to it so I didn't listen to him. Was brought back to my senses however when we reached Astranaar. There were Horde pilots riding those bat things all around, throwing down fire or something. Jonith and I were angry, but didn't want to linger long.

Moved on to Darkshore, but not before being confronted by a clearing in Ashenvale that was on fire. Didn't really understand why, but I couldn't be arsed fighting the fire lord thing. Don't think it was Ragnaros somehow.

By this point I was tired and pissed off, but we had reached Darkshore and had another couple of hours' ride until Auberdine and the ship to Darnassus. Reached Auberdine though, and found it completely destroyed by that bloody Deathwing. I'm getting bloody sick of this Cataclysm, it may have helped my escape from prison but its bloody annoying otherwise.

Took a hyppogryph from Darkshore to Darnassus. I still hate that bloody city, what's the point in building a city in a tree, just burn the tree down. That's why Ironforge is great, I'd love to see the Horde burn down a mountain!

It was late, so Jonith and I got rooms in the inn after listening to a load of Night Elf kodo-shit. Fell asleep quickly.

August 17th:

Jonith woke me up early to say he was going to see the Gilnean refugees. I thought this a bad idea as I knew he'd spit on them or something (he hates worgen). He insisted that he go before we see Whisperwind, so I reluctantly went with the stubborn bastard, haha. I was right, he spat on the first Worgen he saw. We were lucky we weren't ripped apart.

He changed his mind on Worgen when he saw his sister though (fine looking too). He had a lengthy chat with her, talking things over about his family (Light have mercy), I couldn't listen that much, his sister was VERY good looking, haha.

Something changed in Jonith then, he no longer hated Worgen. In fact he was hell-bent on becoming one! Pah! I think if you'd willingly take the Worgen curse you SHOULD be thrown back in the Stockade. No that's awful I can't think like that. He saved me after all.

He was telling me about how he could help the Gilneas Liberation Front in... liberating Gilneas I guess. I couldn't be bothered telling him how crazy he was so I just said "let's see Whisperwind first."

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