Welcome all

Hello all and welcome to my blog (this is one of the nicest things you will ever here me say), in which i will whine and be cynical about different things until you'll either want to put a bullet through your head or drown yourself in your own piss.

I am now Jooseman, the Artist formerly known as Jonith, and I have stopped using the name Jonith regularly (however do still have many accoun named Jonith, so go by both) as it got confusing, So call me Jooseman or Joose or whatever. Call me TwatBucket if it pleases you.

Our Youtube Channel
Rants up on this blog on Friday if I've done one, just too add a little bit of schedule here.

Anyway thats all from me, and also check out Rofling Officer Productions. He is a collaborater of mine.

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Blizzcon 1

So over this last weekend another Blizzcon has been and gone like a snowman in Mordor and as always.... I didn’t go, because I have no money like at every other Blizzcon. However I did watch the stream live, as well has have some sort of internet party with a group of mates who also did by talking on our IRC channel, so because of these (what some may consider sad, but those people are larger idiots than a fat person with no brain, so there opinions don’t count) qualifications, I believe I can talk about it anyway, like a fat person could talk about Mcdonalds.

So Blizzcon, Blizzards annual conference thing, which has more things to do with Blizzards than a presentation on safety in the arctic, where they announce all their games or show coverage of ones that already have been, and this year was no different, which many major games in production by them. However all in all it’s really just an excuse for everyone to get drunker than the city of Essex, which I have no idea how that is possible, but still. Anyway this year at Blizzcon there were four major announces, along with a load of little crap I care less about than I care about the financial situation of Activision, or the Death of Gadaffi, pick one of those which least offends you and then follow me on a magical tour of these.

Starcraft 2: Heart of the Swarm

Now we’ll start this off with the game I know the least about because.... well I just never got that into Starcraft 2, I played a lot of the first game but I was less into Starcraft 2 than a Tortoise is in a Marathon.
So basically all I know is that you guys get a new campaign to play where you get to play as the Zerg, so has more bugs in it than a fat frog’s stomach. There are also a few new additions and tweaks to the multiplayer game which will either piss off or excite the pros, I’m not sure which yet, because I’m not a pro.

To be honest if you want accurate news on Starcraft 2 your better asking somebody who has more knowledge of the game, instead of forcing me to spout more bullcrap than a cow on laxatives. Try Husky Starcraft, Day 9 or even Total Biscuit, they all know more about this game than me, and it also allows me to shamelessly plug youtube channels for people who care less about my existence than North Korea does for democracy.

One piece kind of piece of Starcraft news which I was interested is the next game I’m going to talk about, as it is really a complete game in its own right like that analogy I could use at this point but choose not to...

DOTA (The Blizzard version)

There are more MOBA games hanging around the interwebs now than there is porn and eventually we’ll all be wanking to towers in lanes... God that's a terrifying future.

The popular version of DOTA which we know today started with a Mod for Warcraft 3 (yes there where similar concepts before that), and is a slight cross between a Real Time Strategy and RPG, and is strange in the way that you go through the whole RPG cycle in about a 40 minute game. The game is split into 3 lanes with towers in them and the goal is to push the enemy back to their base and destroy their nexus (yes I play too much LOL.)

The good thing about this version of DOTA is that for a start it is free, which makes everything seem better than a money covered icecream... surrounded by naked woman. It also differentiates itself from Valves version (which is so similar to the first game it may as well be called Dolly the fucking sheep) by adding many new gameplay mechanics, to make it more aggressive than a rabid dog with a stick up its arse. Any creeps you now kill will join your lanes to help you attack the enemies towers giving you more reasons to go and kill them. Your inventory will also be more aggressive, as boots have been removed, so you can use more damage boosting items. The boots have been replaced by different mounts you can use.

The final reason this game seems extremely good is the fact that the champions are all Blizzards original characters, which I like, even though they may as well put Buzz Lightyear fighting Terminator in it for all the good it does.

So all in all, I’m really going to look forward to this game, and the fact that I can play it without having to buy Starcraft 2 makes it better.

Look forward to part 2

Saturday, 8 October 2011

Battlefield 3: Beta Preview

(Oh look at me i'm every cock who works at Machinima Respawn and i'm talking about a popular First Person Shooter)

The end of last week saw the launch of the Battlefield 3 beta, the main competitor to Call of Duty in a sub genre of First Person shooters which have been milked more than a cow which lactates an overly average amount of milk, and as a person who has been extremely annoyed due to a certain company fucking up my Red Orchestra 2 like a Mouse in a bar for cats. So for that reason, I will start my collection of previews with this beta.

*Warning, review may contain a large amount of generic and cliché reviewers use to make themselves sound smart. Don’t have a brain haemorrhage, most are actually idiots*

The first thing I noticed about the game was the complete lack of menus, and this is a great addit..... wait no, WHAT THE FUCK, who decided that this would be a good idea, it’s like taking the Statue of Liberty and deciding wow what a beautiful statue before tearing it down and replacing it with a 200ft cock made out of lead. This just makes it almost impossible to change any of your options, and also makes it more hassle than a program about David Hasslehoff to switch between servers you wish to play on. This was, in many years of gaming, the most retarded decision (non game play wise) to put place in a game, and they may as well have an angry midget fly out of your computer screen trying to kill you whenever you start a game. Just fuck you EA and Dice.

So after 30 tedious minutes of trying to start a game, which would have been put to better you smashing a lamp over my head, I finally managed to get into a game, and wow how blue is this fucking thing, we may as well have entered the Kingdom of the bloody smurfs. The whole beta has a blue tinge over anything, but at least its better, and more colourful than your average FPS, which is browner than a cows arse.

The whole game is also extremely smooth and slick, with the movement feeling extremely good and not clunky at all. The guns feel a lot better to use than a lot of games that I have played, except the shotgun which is more useful than a pea shooter loaded with cotton wool. The game play is also a lot more tactical than your generic FPS, such as Call of Duty, which require as much skill as going to the toilet, so it feels a lot more satisfying with each kill.

There are many bugs which will more than likely not be fixed by the time the game comes out, as it is only about 2 weeks till the release date, which puts me off like being offered the opportunity to be crushed by a piano, however as much as I hate the practice of releasing an unfinished game until way after launch, hopefully they will be fixed within a few weeks (which is better than Call of Duty which will probably charge you to fix it like a particularly bad mechanic). And this ends my preview as I will probably do a proper review of the game when I buy it.