Welcome all

Hello all and welcome to my blog (this is one of the nicest things you will ever here me say), in which i will whine and be cynical about different things until you'll either want to put a bullet through your head or drown yourself in your own piss.

I am now Jooseman, the Artist formerly known as Jonith, and I have stopped using the name Jonith regularly (however do still have many accoun named Jonith, so go by both) as it got confusing, So call me Jooseman or Joose or whatever. Call me TwatBucket if it pleases you.

Our Youtube Channel
Rants up on this blog on Friday if I've done one, just too add a little bit of schedule here.

Anyway thats all from me, and also check out Rofling Officer Productions. He is a collaborater of mine.

Monday, 22 November 2010

Console War Part 2, The Motion Control Strikes Back

Once upon a time in a galaxy far fa... Oh cut all that crap, i had a really unfunny opening which i can't be bothered doing. Motion Controls are spreading through the world quicker than a sneezed noravirus. You get Long rectangular ones and erm longish rectangulish ones with a ball on the end and ones with no controller at all, because we've all got fed up holding things... Says the employees at Microsoft after a long Masterbation sesion over Bill Gates.

Motion Controller are ussually used for people to idiotic to do actual exercise, like Daniel,who had a fun time playing Kinect, before jumping into the air and creating a hole in the floor. They are machines to make you look retarded, take the Wii and PS Move, they make you play around with long black or white things, and i've only experienced that once before, in a pub in Amsterdam but don't remind me about it, (bit bigger over there though.)

Anyway as I don't want to waffle on lets just get on with the show (that guy in Amsterdam said that to me aswell.)

PS Move

Advertised as being a Wii Mote with an attached ball/bell end on the end of it, well thats what it seems like with all the retarded, supposely funny game reviewers go on about like a Politician does lying. It was really advertised as being a more accurate Wii Mote which dosnt expect me to be Batman to play, but i wll eanyway, i like the gimp suit.

No matter what the retards tell you in the same way Fox news tells us all Muslims are bad, move is NOT a rip off of the Wii, considering Move was in development in 2001, and may not be sarmt i mean smart but im sure that was before the Wii was shit out of Nintendos gigantic arseholes where they stick Marios cock everyday like some sex craze old woman who has taken a trip to a beach in Italy.

Anyway the move was released to a... well to be honest i don't know what the fuck move was released to as i've not seen any reviewes as most reviwers have been to busy wondering what would happen if they had a wank on Kinect. Games are supposed to be better than kinect to, but thats like saying your less of a Peadophile than Gary Glitter because you only look at kids naked, and don't acctually have sex with them. YOUR STILL A FUCKING PAEDOPHILE.

Now heres one quick game review

Heavy Rain
Now some of yoy (ok none of you) may be asking, well wasn't that released half a year ago. And you'd be right, it's the exact same game/movie, except now you can move a long controller up and down quickly... Wait that sounds exactly what i do on a lonely night. Anyway back onto the game, its no replayable because first thing, some of the missions are as boring and unskippable as an unskipable thing which is really boring. And after you've done all them, the killer dosn't change anyway, it still stays as the same sat Paedophile who probably went on to become a school teacher.

Talking about Move games, most of them sound like they were named to be friendly for the retarded minority of the population, for example The Fight. No prizes for what thats about... Yes thats right, it's a flight simulator. Only joking it's a mainly Black and White video game (based around Michael Jackson's life) in which you fight random people who probably have been made up for the game like the characters in the Bible. Now as i've reached the ball (move joke there) i'll go on to kinect.


Now if you think Move is the dildo of Motion Controls, whats Kinect then, the one slut who allows cameras to watch as she fingers herself. While playing Kinect you get to play as an extremely lifelike character... YOURSELF, unless your Katie Price, or a wooden person who is very wooden with plastic feet. It's only you and the camera, well thats what you would hope it would be, because if somebody else was watching you they'd ship you to a mental asylum for being a retard.

It's major selling point was YOU are the controller/dildo/random guy running about on screen. YOU get to run. YOU get to exercise. YOU get to fly planes into buildings. YOU get to machine gun random pedestrians if they look at you funny. YOU get to molest kids. YOU well erm get to make yourseld look like somebody who cant do real exercise (some of those ideas probably wouldn't be used by microsoft anyway, they are to hardcore... You could break your leg by running making you fall over and crack your head on the floor, killing you.)

The games are also retarded on Kinext, who the hell world pay to play kinectimals, a game where u mess around with a tiger like some messed up porn scenario. Just to prove how they liked the hardcore gamer i would love to see them make the tiger try and eat you half way through.

Theres also Joyride, a game where u drive a car. Part of the fun of driving games was using a steering wheel, so no taking that away will not make it funner, it will make it more retarded. Its like taking away the ice cream when your erm eating ice cream.

Nintendo Wii

Ah the Wii, the grandad of motion controls, not the nice grandad, but the creepy one who gets excited when you sit on his knee and tries to make you jump up and down. The one who probably gets excited from standing outside schools.

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