Welcome all

Hello all and welcome to my blog (this is one of the nicest things you will ever here me say), in which i will whine and be cynical about different things until you'll either want to put a bullet through your head or drown yourself in your own piss.

I am now Jooseman, the Artist formerly known as Jonith, and I have stopped using the name Jonith regularly (however do still have many accoun named Jonith, so go by both) as it got confusing, So call me Jooseman or Joose or whatever. Call me TwatBucket if it pleases you.

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Rants up on this blog on Friday if I've done one, just too add a little bit of schedule here.

Anyway thats all from me, and also check out Rofling Officer Productions. He is a collaborater of mine.

Sunday, 5 December 2010

Ah WikiLeaks

Thank you Wikileaks over the past few days, you have successfully told us things a few 1000 things we already know about the US government. Stop with the damn drama about it, it's not like we've found out anything like the Us are holding Big Foot in a secret testing facilty to see if he flew planes into buildings at the exact same time the Government tried to blow it up. Instead we get Diplomats crying over being insulted by Prince Andrew or the news that AMAZINGLY people in the world hate North Korea, who knew, this is so riverting.

Amazingly this has been described as the cyber version of 9/11, so I presume we'll be fed news that muslims did this before thousands of idiots take to the intermet and write about things which don't get them killed for reavealing the American Governments deepest, darkest secret.

The guy who did this isn't a flipping criminal, he's the worlds greatest markerting expert. He succsesfully managed to get millions of people excited and angry about things they already knew about years ago, this man's a genius. He could sell us crap and nobody would notice, he's like George Bush before the Iraq War.

David Cameron has been described as spineless... wait isn't this the country presided over by Obama, the only things they can call spineless are jellyfish. It also tells us that Obama dosn't like Cameron, well I didn't know that. They also are confused bt the British obssession with the Special Relationship. Well they are americans so are confused by a lot of things, like walking, and basically everything else other than eating and voting in stupid politicians.

The information was taken from what seems to be the least protect computer in the world by some gay guy with a copy of a Lady Gaga cd with all the music wiped off it. To be honest he could have just done the world a favour and left the Lady Gaga cd with no music on, it would stop sombody dying by listening to that crap. It was then given to some guy who people have only just remembered is wanted for sex crimes. Well that must obviously be because they have forgot, it's not like they want to silence him or anythi... oh.

However the most shocking news, and I mean the most shocking news. Muslim countries want the US to invade Iran. Well it might be a few years before Sarah Palin comes in guys. Wait guys THE FATE OF ALL MUSLIM COUNTRIES DEPENDS ON SARAH PALIN, she probably dosn't know where Iran is... Or what Islam is. She'll probably nuke Australia. And i'd hate for her to go to war with Canada, she'll probably bomb Boston. Wait Canada, is that the place where all them immigrents come from.

Wikileaks are promising to show us UFO evidence, and there'll hopefully be something in there about Aliens shootng Kennedy with some special, moving bullets.

Prehaps this is just how bad the world is now, we are all so cynical we expect that all of our leaders would sell there own mothers for a few quid and everybody even a little different will try and blow us up (thanks Daily Mail.) I have three ways that they could have easily used to improve these leaks from the wikileaks dump. (Wow I wonder how much Comedians have had field day with that)

1. Turn it into Heat magazine. Who gives a crap that nobody like North Korea, I want to hear news about who Obama is shagging behind his wifes back. Did Susan Boyle bed Gordon Brown. CAN GORDON BROWN ACCTUALLY HAVE SEX, ARE HIS CHILDREN ADOPTED.
And then you have the fashion section. Whats that hot new look Kim Jong-Il is wearing this summer, can you pull off his hot swim suit body. Oh and whats that ring Prince William proposed to Kate Middleton with. Oh it's Diana's ring, yes Daily Express she's still dead... What, you say the French killed her.

2. TELL US ABOUT FUCKING FIFA. Why can't they give us something into Fifa Corruption, is it because you were bullied at school Assange because you could play football. Well it's one way to get Britain on your sie.

3. Just make something the damn up. Nobody could care if it's true, it's not like national security is on the li... Oh crap. Well still, say something like Obama has parties with Bin Laden and Kim Jong-Il. Most of America's population would believe that anyway. Well they blieve Obama's muslim, oh and that Glenn Beck is smart.

Also this week i found out the real story of 9/11. The US Govrnment has released thousands of ridiculus stories about them blowing the Twin Towers up so that nobody will believe the real truth. MUSLIMS FLEW PLANES INTO BUILDINGS.

Goodnight and Go Away

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