Battlefield 3: Beta Preview

(Oh look at me i'm every cock who works at Machinima Respawn and i'm talking about a popular First Person Shooter)

The end of last week saw the launch of the Battlefield 3 beta, the main competitor to Call of Duty in a sub genre of First Person shooters which have been milked more than a cow which lactates an overly average amount of milk, and as a person who has been extremely annoyed due to a certain company fucking up my Red Orchestra 2 like a Mouse in a bar for cats. So for that reason, I will start my collection of previews with this beta.

*Warning, review may contain a large amount of generic and cliché reviewers use to make themselves sound smart. Don’t have a brain haemorrhage, most are actually idiots*

The first thing I noticed about the game was the complete lack of menus, and this is a great addit..... wait no, WHAT THE FUCK, who decided that this would be a good idea, it’s like taking the Statue of Liberty and deciding wow what a beautiful statue before tearing it down and replacing it with a 200ft cock made out of lead. This just makes it almost impossible to change any of your options, and also makes it more hassle than a program about David Hasslehoff to switch between servers you wish to play on. This was, in many years of gaming, the most retarded decision (non game play wise) to put place in a game, and they may as well have an angry midget fly out of your computer screen trying to kill you whenever you start a game. Just fuck you EA and Dice.

So after 30 tedious minutes of trying to start a game, which would have been put to better you smashing a lamp over my head, I finally managed to get into a game, and wow how blue is this fucking thing, we may as well have entered the Kingdom of the bloody smurfs. The whole beta has a blue tinge over anything, but at least its better, and more colourful than your average FPS, which is browner than a cows arse.

The whole game is also extremely smooth and slick, with the movement feeling extremely good and not clunky at all. The guns feel a lot better to use than a lot of games that I have played, except the shotgun which is more useful than a pea shooter loaded with cotton wool. The game play is also a lot more tactical than your generic FPS, such as Call of Duty, which require as much skill as going to the toilet, so it feels a lot more satisfying with each kill.

There are many bugs which will more than likely not be fixed by the time the game comes out, as it is only about 2 weeks till the release date, which puts me off like being offered the opportunity to be crushed by a piano, however as much as I hate the practice of releasing an unfinished game until way after launch, hopefully they will be fixed within a few weeks (which is better than Call of Duty which will probably charge you to fix it like a particularly bad mechanic). And this ends my preview as I will probably do a proper review of the game when I buy it.