Welcome all

Hello all and welcome to my blog (this is one of the nicest things you will ever here me say), in which i will whine and be cynical about different things until you'll either want to put a bullet through your head or drown yourself in your own piss.

I am now Jooseman, the Artist formerly known as Jonith, and I have stopped using the name Jonith regularly (however do still have many accoun named Jonith, so go by both) as it got confusing, So call me Jooseman or Joose or whatever. Call me TwatBucket if it pleases you.

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Rants up on this blog on Friday if I've done one, just too add a little bit of schedule here.

Anyway thats all from me, and also check out Rofling Officer Productions. He is a collaborater of mine.

Saturday, 17 July 2010

American Dad

Ok I admit it, I’m proud to be English. I'm proud of the country I live in and hate the people who think there fucking country is the best in the whole go damn world. In other words I hate the bloody Americans who think they are better than everyone else. The dicks. Thinking they won every war ever, most American High School kids probably think that WW2 was won by damn John McCain who scuba dived into a sunken submarine with Tom Hanks to collect a fucking nuclear missile.
Which brings me to American Dad, the title alone is enough to put off about 1 billion people in the rest of the fucking countries around the world. Yes but America couldn’t care less about that seeing as according to them the world should be called The United World of America!
Even the basic premise of American Dad epitomises this. The main character is a fucking CIA agent for Christ sake. That's like making a cartoon called Afghan Dad in which the main character is a frigging Al-Qaida member. Then again that wouldn’t work seeing as every episode the main character will kill himself. Wait that works for South park. Doesn't it...
The other main characters-which aren't really main characters because you’re supposed to like the main fucking characters in cartoons because they are supposed to be damn funny. But in this cartoon I’m pretty sure the developers missed that one idea-are an alien named Roger. HAHAHA the aliens named Roger, now let me tell you something Seth, I don’t know if you were supposed to make a joke by calling the alien Roger, but if you were its not fucking funny. Then there's another joke character called Klause or something. He's supposed to be a fucking fish with his brain switched with that of a German skier. He’s also not funny so he can piss off!
There's also Steve, the son. He takes part in many of the even crapper side stories. Or in my words, bits that would sicken your toilet. Hayley is the fucking CIA agent’s daughter, who despises many of the Fucking god damn CIA agent’s actions; she’s basically the average stoner. And finally there's the fucking god damn bullshit CIA agents wife, who is called Lois, I mean Marge, damn I mean Francine, she is portrayed as an idiot, and she fits the role perfectly seeing as idiocy is the only thing coming out of the script writers mouths in dog shit style clumps.
Anyway from now on I'm bored of calling the main character Fucking CIA man so I will not and instead call him Stan Smith. So in other words I have to start this whole damn review again, so let’s give it a go. So this is the Simpsons, fuck I mean this is American Dad, a programme which has no similarities to The Simpsons except maybe thousands of things. It’s so like the Simpsons I expected Homer to show up half way through and beat the crap out of Stan. It’s so un funny that the only way to make it even less funny is have half an hour of kids dying from leukaemia, with pictures of Steve Smith jacking off to them inserted every 5 minutes!

Anyway the whole talk of a program called American Dad gave me the idea for my own program, English Dad. It would of course be made by Americans and if it is actually made I would like 50% of the profit. Right now the business shit is in order lets brainstorm.

The main character would definitely be called Reginald D Humpledink, who in this made up fantasy cuckoo land is the chairmen of BP. He will be a top hat wearing posho who drinks 55 cups of tea a day and walks around talking like he's the fucking Prime Minister! Instead of having a bloody alien as a friend he will instead have a Gordon god damn Brown as a friend, who goes around calling people bigots! You bigot!
They all live at 1066 Windsor Street, in a large manner house in which they have many butlers. Hanging from the walls of the house are thousands of paintings of Queen Elizabeth and David Cameron. He has a son called Steven who has pledged abstinence. He gets no sexual desires at all and just sits at home, reading The Times newspaper while drinking Tea and eating Scones. He looks forward to his first glass of port.

The daughter will be called Henrietta Humpledink who spends the day sewing dresses for mother before roaming the streets of London at night as a high class hooker. She speaks with a cockney accent and agrees that women shouldn’t have as much rights as men (I have been asked to point out by the producer that this is indeed a joke.)
The mother of the children stays at home all day as in the country of England women cannot get jobs or do anything without their husbands BEFORE 19 FUCKING 28.
So look out for this TV show when it comes out next year, in my imagination.
So what was I talking about before I got onto that, oh yeh American Dad, which by watching it has made me want to go outside and get a life as far away from this crap as humanely possible. Now go away.

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