Welcome all

Hello all and welcome to my blog (this is one of the nicest things you will ever here me say), in which i will whine and be cynical about different things until you'll either want to put a bullet through your head or drown yourself in your own piss.

I am now Jooseman, the Artist formerly known as Jonith, and I have stopped using the name Jonith regularly (however do still have many accoun named Jonith, so go by both) as it got confusing, So call me Jooseman or Joose or whatever. Call me TwatBucket if it pleases you.

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Rants up on this blog on Friday if I've done one, just too add a little bit of schedule here.

Anyway thats all from me, and also check out Rofling Officer Productions. He is a collaborater of mine.

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Montages and Zzirgrizz

Montages are the gaming worlds equivalent of you’ve been framed, even up to the point that I would rather stick my head into a blender than watch either. The standard montage includes a bunch of nobs, ooooohing and ahhhhhing over kills which we mere mortals shouldn’t even be able to watch without our heads exploding, as if they were falling down a well.

And just to kick more sand into my already hurting wounds, most are done on the Black ops multiplayer, a game which is more painful for me to play than being punched constantly by David Haye in the balls. It is full of tweleve year old kids who have, if you take everything they say as fact, officially shagged my mum more times that there are condoms in the world, and these are usually the sort of people who make montages, probably while being bottle fed and burped after dinner. Awwww who’s the annoying liccle Cod player.

That is, except the greatest Call of Duty player in the history of man, and probably came into being after God shagged Jesus, and his name, (everyone bow in awe) Zzirgrizz. Actually no, he’s just as big of a cunt as the rest of them. People go on and on about him being the greatest player ever, probably because if they stop he’d shoot there cats or something. His name reminds me of a dyslexic with ADHD falling asleep on the keyboard. He may as well have been called jkgdskahkhcd, or just prick.
People say he’s the greatest Call of Duty player of all time, but I do not see what’s special about him, his Kill to Death ratio is about the same as almost everyone else I know who plays Black ops (except mine, but the games shitter than a cow field), and his play time makes him seem like he lives in some parallel universe in which time has been banned by law, so he can play it for however many 100’s of hours he has. After that much time I’d have probably gone crazy and started torturing my pet dog, or imagining I’m in the mind of a cunt, being a cunt, making cuntish videos, kinda like him.

He probably sits at home, shaving his pubes, while eating more food than is owned by an American Mcdonalds. He is more of a stereotypical geek than the average wow player is a nerd and a murderer after being classed so by the Daily Mail because one happened to live near Madeline McCann. However I won’t let his life do the talking, as he probably doesn’t have one, and is too tired to even start talking about it because he lifted his finger, so we’ll concentrate on one of his Montages, as they are all more similar than something which is very similar to a thing it is very similar to.

Well the montage I have chosen is his recent Christmas one, and it starts off basically the same as all of them, except it seems to have a paedophilic Mexican breathing heavily down the mic at the start, however this soon cuts off to the standard kills he seems to be doing every game, with his eys shut, while taking his goldfish out to be neutered, but he doesn’t, as you can tell from him flashing between maps and classes as if he’s trying to make epileptics seizure with the power of movie maker. He must do about 10 games to just get one kill like that, and if I ever had time to do that, I wouldn’t. Seriously with that much time I’d at least do something more interesting than licking a TV screen all day.
And then you have his other videos, which are about as good as a secret meeting between Pol Pot, Adolf Hitler, and Joseph Stalin fighting other who had the best genocidal techniques. You have him droning on and on about how his place on the ranking ladder show how good he is, all the while you get him being shot to pieces by a cat playing guitar hero. However his “fans” and by that I mean Rentboys and by that I mean people who always give him blowjobs, make up more excuses for him than his mum, when his doctor told him he was obese. This guy is only good at being lifted by a crane to KFC.

So please stop making your cuntish videos Zzirgrizz, or I will come round to your house and take all your food and your Xbox, so you will have to cry in your sleep, probably leading to your heart attack. Now fuck off you twat.

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