Nostalgdo

Nintendo, nintendo, nintendo. When will you stop pleasing people with your great games which appear to be clones of the ones thats you made when you first started. oh yeah, YOU STOPPED THAT AFTER THE FIRST FUCKING TIMES YOU MADE THEM GAMES.

Now Dan had wrote a blog post about nintendo a few months ago and I touched on the subject in my Console Wars for Dummies but now felt like a good time to write another on the subject, why you may ask, enquistavly, like a retard might want to see if he can fly. Well the answer to your question is the impending doom of the Nintendo 3DS (otherwise knows as. We want your money, give us your money, its different, look it's different), which, when eventually released across the world, will cause the worlds largest disaster as Zelda and Mario grow to 500ft tall and stomp across cities, causing chaos and spawning countless copies of themselves (like Nintendo have been doing for years.)

Anyway back on track, the Nintendo 3DS, it's the sort of thing that would appeal to the idiots who stare at there useless, shiny white boxes made by apple, before showing other people there boxes, and then smacking the person around the face with there boxes and then tossing themselves off with there boxes and then tossing other people of with there boxes before walking down the street like one of those pricks out of any advert you see, making all the people who don't own one look like tits. F**K OF YOU F**KING TWATS.

It even has one of those snazzy nicknames which sound like it was dreamt up by the average 16 year old after a few drinks to appeal to all his tosser friends. Acctually no it dosn't, it sounds like a name thought up by a middle aged man dreaming about robots while having a shit as a way to appeal to the "coooool kids." Basically they may as well have called it the Itendo 3DS.

They say it's a 3D device which you don't need glasses for, which sounds like a great idea until you realise its a hand held device made by Nintendo, so it would probably be filled with Mario, Mario and more Mario, all the while filled up with happy colours. And to be honest, playing a small handeheld device if you needed to wear glasses would make you look like your advertising yourself to be robbed.... oh and an idiot.

The problem with Nintendo (other than my constant hate for them because of there gimmicks which make me want to grab there wii remote and shove it up Marios arse) is that there marketing office basically consists of them staring at posters of there old games before turning back around to the white board and shouting MARIO. Subsequentlly awards and gold rain down onto them, as people jump Mario up onto blocks so much he's probably got a concussion and risks not waking up. YOU MONSTERS.

Nintendo believe that they can run a gaming company on games they made 20 years ago, which for the time where great games, the first few Mario games were great and now looking back, so here the Zelda games.

The problem is, playing a small italian plumber constantly looking for a Prostitute while being sucked off by some stupid toadstool creatures gets old very, very quickly. Oh look the princess just happens to be in another IDENTICAL castle which we also didn't notice even though it seems to be a few hundred metres from our village. God those toad guys are dumb.

And then when they can't think of a slight change to the game (like there happen to be more bricks, or Mario is now better at plumbing, even though thats not what the game is about) they just re release there old games constantly, again and again, in retro packages, which they may as well label there console.

It's not just Mario who makes you feel like you've just stepped into the tardis, but theres also Zelda, where all the main characters seem to have an extremely bad case of amnesia as they forget what happened to them through the other bloody games, even going as far as forgetting how to use a sword. Theres also Donkey Kong (the first game was great), Metroid and what they seem to be doing now Wii F**king sports, in which they release to games with basically the same sports, and the new ones make you want to start banging your head against a Nuclear Bomb anyway.

As you may know I hate motion controllers and think there cheap gimmiky objects to make little old ladies coooh and awwww over games, and I think something similar about 3D things, there expensive gimiky objects that you can impress people with if they come round to one of your many dinner parties but the rest of the time it will just rest there, gaining dust as theres nothing to do on them yet.

I feel sorry for Nintendo, they have no hope and are disulussioned about how great they are.